Cheater, cheater.

I'm down another three pounds, which brings my total loss since the beginning of January to nine - and FINALLY taking me out of the same group of ten pounds that I've been in for the last three years!!
PLUS I did 40 minutes on the Air Climber today!
SUCCESS!!

However, the way I found that out today kind of makes me feel like a cheater.
Instead of weighing myself on Monday, as is always my custom, I weighed myself today.
Not because I intend to gorge myself at a post-work Super Bowl party this evening, but because I do plan on eating at said party.

Let me explain.
I get out of work at 7 p.m. on Sundays, which I find pretty late to be sitting down for a meal, but I do because there's really no time to eat at work. During the week, I have my daily Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich between 7-8 p.m. because I mentally Close the Kitchen immediately following dinner.

I just know that by the time I get to the party and have a few healthy nibbles - fingers crossed I steer clear of my arch nemesis chips and dip - it will be well past 8 p.m.

And weighing myself tomorrow will only get me down because I know it wouldn't really be a true number. Does that make sense or am I a retched no-good cheater of my diet system?

If the latter, if I promise never to do this again, am I still a bad person?

In other diet confession news, I went to a fantastic pizza/wing place, Frog Pond in Wilkes-Barre, Friday night.
{check out its Web site here: Frog Pond}
I indulged in two cuts of Sicilian and five wings, which I never had before and which were amazing. I didn't feel guilty one bit because I knew I had been good all day because I had saved my points. I hadn't had the pizza in eons, it used to be a Tuesday night tradition at the Weekender many moons ago, one in which I'd house about half a tray by myself.

The next day, I had two leftover cuts - which quickly turned into two more (they're cut into really small squares I swear).
Suddenly, as I mindlessly ate cut No. 4 in like 30 seconds, I envisioned a flashing "Danger Danger" sign. Having five cuts remaining still in the fridge, I did the only thing I could do.

I looked at them longingly for a second before I dumped them out of the box into the garbage. Drastic measures, but a necessary measure. I'm glad I was able to enjoy them when they were fresh and oozy with cheese and as cold leftovers, but I wasn't doing myself any favors having them in my fridge.

Have you ever resorted to such a tactic to save yourself from temptation?

When does a resolution become a lifestyle change?

I'm two weeks in on The (New) New Regime, and I'm still going strong!!
I've exercised 13 of the 15 days that have passed since I began on Sunday, Jan. 3.
Some of those days were nothing more than 15 minutes on the Air Climber, some I did dozens of squats, lunges and abs, some I even worked out in the morning and evening.

I know T(N)NR is still in it's infancy - it's only been two weeks for heaven's sake - but I can't help but wonder:
When does a resolution become a lifestyle change?

Is in when you're excited about getting up in the morning to exercise?
Is it when you restructure your day to include some sort of movement, whatever you can do because it all counts?
Is it when you stop stuffing yourself when you eat, even if you're still a little hungry?
Is it when you mentally put the "Closed" sign on the kitchen?
Is it when you automatically seek out healthful items on a menu instead of going for what you really could go for?

Whenever a resolution becomes such a change, I'm ready for it.
Finally.

If you struggle to make those changes you vowed to do two weeks ago - which seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it? - here are some things that I found are really getting me closer to the lifestyle change:

- Every night, I put my workout clothes at the end of the bed so they're already at the ready for my morning workout.
- I set my alarm for super early so if I hit snooze like I usually do, I still have more than enough time to get some sort of movement in.
{Being a night owl/insomniac like I am, this sometimes sucks, but I try to have lights out by 11 p.m. during the week.}
- I keep a food diary religiously. More importantly, I keep an honest food diary.
{I'm not helping myself at all if I keep mum about the two links of hot sausage I just popped in my mouth because I was feeling peckish.}
- LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER.
{While I've always loved drinking water, I finally understand how much of a difference drinking the correct amount makes. I'm still hungry a lot of the time, but it's definitely more manageable because of making sure I get at least my eight glasses in.}
- I keep nothing tempting in the house. Nothing.
{For my daily dessert, I've stocked up on Skinny Cow mint ice cream sandwiches, which are horribly expensive but necessary giving my penchant/weakness for chocolate.}
- Moderation, moderation, moderation.
{I finally learned that "diet" isn't "die" with a T. It's something manageable that I can still enjoy everything I love on sometimes, but without stuffing myself sick.}
- Mix it up.
{I'll do my Air Climber most days because it's convenient. Sundays are my walk days, weather permitting, and I clock in 2-3.5 miles, depending on my route. Some mornings I do yoga or Pilates so I don't get bored. Food wise, I generally eat the same things for lunch to keep myself in check (and because I enjoy my "usuals"), and try to have a different dinner each night.}

What works for you?

The New Regime: Lunges are bastards.

Today's exercise challenge was to do 50 squats and 50 lunges.

I hate hate hate lunges.
My legs hate hate hate lunges.
I think everyone hates hates hates lunges, too.
{And if they don't they're probably bastards, too. Ever-so-sweetly just sayin'.}

In the morning, I did half the squats before Air Climbing and half after, forgetting about the lunges until I read my e-mail after exercising.

About halfway through the day, I got excited to come home and exercise, and then quickly wondered what the hell I was becoming.

I got home and though it was really, really tempting to white flag the evening's exercise because I was famished, I put on my workout clothes and did those damn lunges and Air Climbed again.

Plus, because my short-term memory forgot that we got the 50 squats out of the way this morning, I did 50 more, bring today's squat grand total to 100.
{And who says writers aren't good with math?}

I sent a whiny text to Tiffany saying that her [expletive] lunges will - paraphrasing - never be welcome in my home again, she replied with a previous blog's main point:

No pain,
no gain.

Hmmph. Tell that to my quivering legs!
{But I admit I am feeling pretty bad ass, like I could almost deliver a Sparta kick to somebody's chest ... almost ...}

The New Regime: Challenge No. 2? MET!

I am extremely happy to report that I survived my 100 required sit ups this morning!!

In fact, they were completed before 7:30 a.m.!
I did 50 before and 50 after Air Climbing, and though it did get rough at the end, I pushed through it.

I felt so accomplished and honestly, I carried myself a little taller today because I felt good about myself.

When I looked in the mirror this morning, I already saw what a difference a few days of being mindful of my eating and actually working out made.

I'm finally chiseling away to the Nikki that's been hidden under all this extra baggage for so long.

But instead of using a hammer to pick at it, I'm going all jackhammer on its ass.

And that's kind of my favorite part.

The New Regime: Day 29.

I am very disappointed.

I got on the scale this morning, after a vigorous 20 minutes on the Air Climber and a grueling mini-circuit I got from WeightWatchers magazine - and after yesterday's huge 2.5 mile walk and the day before that's vigorous Air Climbing, etc.

I lost absolutely nothing.
Nothing.
Even after this morning being the eighth day in a row that I've worked out hardcore.

I know I've not stuck 100 percent to eating healthy, but I ate my bad stuff* in moderation and no scale budge.
Just continued pudge.

I am disappointed - but not discouraged.
This is not going to derail me as it has in the past.

I will get on the scale next week and it will be down.
And if it's not - God forbid - I will look in the mirror and at my exercise log book** and know I'm making changes in myself - and my health.
Even if I can't see it just yet.

*chips, brie, dessert, cake, Halloween candy.
**a Hallmark calendar booklet where I write all my exercises in. I love looking back and seeing something written on nearly all the days, even if it was a brief 10 minutes. Movement is movement. It all counts.

The New Regime: Day 1

OK, I'm not gonna lie to you.
Day 1 of The New Nikki didn't go off to a half hour on the Air Climber. I did still get up at 6:20 a.m. and did a half-hearted 10 minutes on the AC, but I was so exhausted because I had one of my Insomniac Nights.
Not that that's an excuse, of course, even though I didn't really push myself.

I ate well all day and was starving by the time I left work.
I was so starving that I got one of my Nikki Hungry headaches,* yet I courageously ventured out for a quick walk around the school.

Damned if I didn't feel better!
The crisp air and the beautiful fall sky made everything better, even though I felt weak from starvation.**

The neatest thing happened at the end of my first lap. Just as I came around the corner of the school, I, deep in thought, looked up at the sky.
In parts it was bright orange as the sun began to set, and toward my house, amid ominously dark clouds, a very faint rainbow was visible.
I don't know why, because it certainly wasn't raining, which is the really only time I've ever seen a rainbow, save for through the mist at Niagara Falls.
It made me happy.

***
Like maybe I'm on my way to my pot of gold - my pot of mental and physical happiness gold.

I got home from my brisk 1.5 mile walk, had a nice dinner, ate my pudding cup with a dollop of peanut butter**** and here I am.

I feel better. Clear headed. Like I'm getting back on the road to myself. Yet again.

Well, I guess everyone is a work in progress, right?

*a searing headache that comes along during the first few days of a diet. According to my medical analysis, the headaches happen during the drastic switch from gorging myself to diet mode. Now granted, my medical analysis is done by me, who is not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, so it's pretty much bunk.
** I am not, under any circumstances, starving myself. I just like to hyperbole. And use big words.
*** Photo courtesy of Photobucket.com, not moi.
**** For the first time in my adult life of living alone - nine whole years - I bought generic peanut butter. I am a total Jif Extra Crunchy girl and immediately following the demise of this jar of generic reduced fat peanut butter, I am totally going back to my Jif Extra Crunchy. I don't give a damn how many Weight Watcher points it is. That fresh roasted peanuts taste is worth the higher price. I'm ashamed of myself, really, for trying to pinch pennies, when all I did was pinch taste. What kind of foodie am I?

Progress!

I have been eating healthy all week long.
I walked two miles on both Monday and Tuesday, then did a kick ass 20 minutes of Air Climbing on Sunday and Wednesday - plus did abs all four days.

I feel great, really, really watched what I ate and as a result, I saw the scale go down consistently every day.
{Kindly don't judge me weighing myself daily. It was an experiment, an experiment I say!}

When I craved sugar, I had one of the sugar free chocolate pudding cups I've come to adore with a dollop of Cool Whip in the can.
{It still baffles me that it tastes exactly like Cool Whip in the tub. Magic. Magic!}

Last night, I made myself gosh darn proud.
After dinner with my coworkers, I was mad craving a Dairy Queen Blizzard.
I mean so mad craving I thought I was going to pass out if I didn't have one.

From where we had dinner, there were two DQs within a 5 1/2 minute drive, with my house in the middle.
It was like a Choose Your Own Adventure Book as I drove down South Main Street and around Wilkes-Barre's Public Square. Did I want to:

A.) Go around the Square to the left and head to the Kingston DQ
OR
B.) Go around the Square to the right and head to the Plains DQ
OR
C.) Go straight around the Square and head home????

It was the [at least] 300 calorie question.

I chose C.) and got to the light where I would make the right turn that would take me to my street. But instead of making that right turn, I went left and headed to my local grocer.
{I told you I was having a mad craving.}

Walking up and down the ice cream aisle, I saw cheap half gallons quite like those of the Chocolate Marshmallow Incident that made my craving worsen. I knew I couldn't buy one of them again because it would totally derail the mindset I'm working so hard to set.

I saw the pints Ben & Jerry's I used to eat for dinner practically every night back in high school that I'd never gain an ounce from.

I saw the super-expensive Weight Watchers ice cream I really like but am too much of a miser to buy.

I kept coming back to the Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. The bright green mint ones. They looked so, so, SO good, but for $4, I just couldn't do it. It's ice cream for the love of Moses - i c e c r e a m!

But there I was plunking down the dough before driving home as fast as humanly possible.
I got in my jammies, sat at the kitchen table and opened the plastic container of two-points-each-goodness and took my first bite.

It was exquisite.
I savored that chocolaty minty wonder for as long as I could until it dripped down my arm.
{Of course I licked my arm. Waste not, want not and all that jazz.}

I was so proud of myself.
I exorcised the craving demon I've always caved into before.
When I scampered back into the kitchen with the intent to have a second sandwich, I slammed the freezer door shut and loudly said, "No!" - and actually listened for the first time.

I think I finally am making a break with my obsession with food.
And it tastes good.
Like minty goodness that's bad for me.
Except that it isn't!

Off the wagon yet again.

Well, here I am with my tail betwixt my legs again.
Not that I - or anyone for that matter - should be surprised, given my track record.

After a gorging during Sunday Family Dinner, I vowed to make this week THE WEEK.
To do my Air Climber to my utmost capacity, to do yoga/Pilates and eat nothing but healthy food and, most importantly, to lost at least five pounds before my birthday next week.

Instead, I found myself gorging, for absolutely no reason at all.
I got sick with a 24-hour bug on Tuesday and Wednesday, so that took me down for the count. No excuse I know, but just sayin'.

Take today for example:
- breakfast sandwich from Dunkin Donuts - the healthy and delicious egg white one.
- an entire Italian hoagie from Antonio's - always always ALWAYS yummy. (Note: I did not eat the bag of chips for once. Party bonus.)
- A salad with oil and vinegar and just a touch of shredded cheese.
- A Lean Cuisine meal. (4 points worth).

OK - one would think that I negated some of the unhealthy with the healthy and was completely full.

So why, then, did I follow the LC meal up with a bowl of Special K?
Because I'm sadistic, or because I like feeling like a sloth as I lay on the couch and half-concentrate on my book while I'm really thinking about how pathetic I am?

Low point.
Clearly.

I'll bounce back.

"Always look on the bright side of life ..."

[the blogger begins to whistle and bob her head as the screen fades to black]

I don't drive ... 20.

Three times today I was behind three different cars going - I shit you not - 20 mph.

I am not an athletic person by any means, no matter how long I stay on my Air Climber, but I am God damn sure that I could have ran faster than those ass pirates had me driving today. I daresay the Bitch pod nearly went into shock at the slowness!

I don't know if that same God whose name I just blatantly took in vain was trying to teach me a lesson by planting those three people in front of me - to protect me from an accident, perhaps? - but instead of teaching me patience, I nearly had a stroke from anger.

The things that came out of my mouth were impressive, and almost in tongues.
I think it's high time I get a chauffeur because one of these days, my rage is going to get me in trouble.

Any takers?
I can't pay you, but I'll definitely let you drive the pod ...

Oink.

Well, after being so damn proud of myself for finally wearing my favorite jeans ever, I have done nothing but pig out.

For example:

- Ate around the clock whilst at my parents for Easter: Huge breakfast. Chocolate (which I gave up for Lent, so I've been trying to resist the urge to binge on the several Cadbury Creme eggs in my cupboard and freezer). Snacks a plenty, namely chips and dip. Dinner consisted of a crab appetizer, a salad and Mom's eggplant parm and minesta, which I actually had to push away half eaten because I was starting to feel sick - but not enough that I couldn't have a slice of the chocolate cake that followed. WTF?
(I get an A for effort because it really was just a small piece, right?)

- Yesterday, got up nice and early and banged out 20 hardcore minutes on the Air Climber and decided to start tracking my food again a la Weight Watchers to get back in the swing of things. Did well all day, until ...

- 10 ranch wings from Andy Gavin's which we as exquisite as you might expect. Plus a mozzarella stick sampler (regular, pizza and buffalo), an ice cold beer and

- A s'mores gelati from Rita's, which was nothing more than marshmallow ice dotted with chocolate chips. Mmm. Can only imagine how many points it was.

Feel even more disgusting than I already did now that all of yesterday's food is right there in black and white.

Think I'll refrain from continuing with today's food list.
It's just so hard for me to be strong when I feel the slightest big stressed or tired or dreary because it's ugly out.

Am determined to get right back track and do the Air Climber tomorrow morning and, damn you, before dinner.
I vow to track.
I vow to be strong.
I vow to be better to myself.

I've come too far to just go hog wild, for lack of a better term.
Help me - How do you push through the temptations?

Conquering my Everest.

Last night, I took a walk in the gorgeous weather.
Instead of doing the loop around the school like usual, I decided to do my two mile loop through my 'hood.

Said loop includes starting off with a massive hill at the end of my street (the very reason for the regularity of trekking around the nice flat school/track area).
This hill has always been a vicious foe, thanks to its veritable steepness.

What would ensue was shortness of breath, sparks flashing in my eyes and some off-putting wheezing and dizziness.
My legs would shake as I descended down the hilly street that intersects with it, and it would take me quite a while to breathe normally.

Not so last night.
I made Delaware Ave. my bitch.

I stalked up that hill like a mountain goat and held a slight conversation with my co-walker.

When I got to the top, I felt a sense of accomplishment, probably much like Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay must have felt as the first to ever ascent Mount Everest.

OK, clearly ascending my little hill isn't as monumental as that, however, for me, it sure as hell was.

Just like seeing myself in a full-length mirror last week made me realize I really did lose weight these last few months, getting to the top of that hill as fast as we did made me see that I am at last getting in shape.

My months of getting up early and miserably doing my Air Climber before the sun came up and my walks around the school/track have definitely paid off.

Watch out hills, you are no longer bigger than my determination.

Monday, March 23, 2009.

Had a pretty decent day today {knock wood!}.
I am going to give a run down, mostly because I want to give myself the run down to refer to should a crappy day follow ...

- Day started with an an intense 20-minutes of Windsor Pilates. Oh Mari Windsor, let's test that concept again Wednesday, kay?

- Jetted in the Bitch pod (my Ford Focus hatchback) to Scranton in the a.m. for a photo shoot. Blasted Poison and sang along at the top of my lungs entire way. Thoroughly enjoyed listening to my "happy place" band, think after spending a delightful day with Mom yesterday and part of Saturday, I'm regressing back to that carefree kid ... and it's everything I knew it would be.
(For however long it lasts.)

- On same ride, however, nearly had an aneurysm because I am FOREVER perturbed by those people who drive from Wilkes-Barre to Scranton in the passing lane going 30 mph. If I'm lucky. Why didn't the Pod come with some sort of taser device to take care of this blemish on society???? Good Lord.

- Wrote most of the day and got lots done for production day tomorrow, but naturally, 'tis never enough for me. Am such a work horse.

- Came home and did 20 hardcore minutes on Air Climber whilst watching end of "No Reservations" in Tuscany and part of Andrew Zimmern eating various internal animal bits in gross manner. Still, I'd love to hang out with the dirty mouthed (because of his food choices, duh) fella.

- Followed up my nice hot Italian sausage with pasta, broccoli and salad with a nice sugar free rice pudding with cinnamon. I cannot wait for Lent to be over to go back to chocolate. This is longest Lenten season EVER.

- Am now sitting with freezing feet because my apartment likes to rival the Arctic Circle. It's part of its charm.

Well, I'm sick of blogging such boring monotony and my desk is in dire need of organization that it's starting to distract me, but I'd rather watch Mr. Bourdain so off I go, weeeeeeeeee!

Brand-new day.

Whoo hoo!

Did a kick-ass 20 minutes on Air Climber this morn!

Didn't want to get up, but I did.
And now I feel like I got a better start to the day, and can [hopefully] handle anything that comes my way today, this Friday the 13th ...
... as long as I don't see anyone wearing a hockey mask!!

Having said that, doesn't someone need to get ready for work??

Step in the right direction?

Have been quite the slacker with exercising since Tuesday morn.
My shins hurt so bad that I just didn't have the oomph to push through it and buck up.

So today, after a deliciously naughty cheese dog from Abe's, I came home and did 20 minutes on the Air Climber.
As inspiration, I watched the "World's Best Caribbean Resorts" or whatever on the Travel Channel. It definitely did the trick of pushing me a little harder, what with beach season right around the proverbial corner.

As dessert for the Air Climber, I did a few Windsor Pilates moves for the first time in ages.

I have to say, I wanted to pat myself on the back.
What a jerk I am! I should be doing it every day - not when I feel like it!

Hopefully I can get my head and mind together and continue tomorrow and every day until I am where I want to be.

But I can't help but wonder:

Will hoisting a beer to my mouth every five minutes on Parade Day count????

[there was supposed to be a pic of green beer here, but Photobucket is being a big jerk, so just use your imagination].

The week of the slug.

Have not exercised in days.
Since Sunday morning, to be honest.
Feel like a slug - a lazy, lazy slug.

How do those people who run 10 miles a day do it?
How do those people who go to the gym every single morning or evening do it?

I do well for a few days, and then have one day that just derails everything.

I'm really fascinated by how much I miss that feeling of accomplishment that comes with breathlessly stepping off of my Air Climber, but I guess not enough to drag myself out of bed this week. Arrgh.

But like Scarlett O'Hara said, "Tomorrow is another day ..."

Guilt free Friday.

Today was the first day I didn't do some sort of morning exercise in ages.

For 11 of these 20 days of February, I've walked, done a yoga routine from SELF magazine or spent some time on my Air Climber.

Not too shabby methinks, which is exactly why I didn't feel guilty staying in bed late (and late for me lately is 7 a.m.) - it was everything I knew it would be. I just listened to my body when it said, "Not today, sister. It's too damn cold to get out of bed."

(Now if only my shivering-in-the-freezing-cold-office self would be so smart and get under those same covers toute suite ... )

"Sleeping in" was everything I knew it could be!
Plus, I didn't let the fact that I decided to be a slug this morning derail the rest of the day, and made sure to stick to my eating healthy habits.

I even pushed through a massive chocolate craving! Quite superhuman strength for me I tell you!


I've come a long way since the beginning of January, and that's worth a few snoozes here and there.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a down comforter with my name on it!

Air Climbing with 'GMA.'

I've never really been one for news.
Local fires, murders, weather, those fluffy "water skiing squirrel" segments, etc., etc.? No thank you.

I prefer to get my news from the newspaper - I like starting it with my breakfast and finishing it with my dinner. Same grisly content, just easier to take than some anchorwoman in a shoulder-padded fuchsia blazer saying "Everyone has contracted a deadly disease ...more after this break." I love feeling the newsprint in my hand, even love how it sometimes leaves black ink on my fingertips and mon dieu, I adore the smell of our press room. Especially coming in on Mondays when my nose hasn't smelled it in two days. Deliciously addicting.

In a newspaper, all the info you need is right there in the first few paragraphs without the dramatic build up. Ahh, the sweet smell of the inverted pyramid.

But suddenly, after I acquired an Air Climber,



I began doing something crazy every morning.
I started tuning in to "Good Morning America."
Doing so also tunes me into some of my local goings on as well - or as "local" as the local news is, since so much of it isn't even from NEPA proper, but I digress.

I feel much more informed - I get some celeb gossip (today's scrim, for example, had the news that Chris Brown beat up Rhianna), news news like fires and whatnot, heartfelt moments like the Hudson plane crash survivors reuniting with the captain and crew - and it isn't really that painful.

Aside from how annoying Diane Sawyer's on-screen movements can be, I really enjoy the show. Sam Champion is an absolute delight and I really enjoy Robin Roberts' personality. It's nice waking up to them, especially since most times being up that early exercising is the last thing I want to be doing, but viewing the show makes my exercise time really fly by.

But know that I'll never tune into one of the hardcore news channels like CNN. My interest in world affairs wanes after about half and hour, just around the time my legs give out ...