Friday, July 31, 2009

Om ...

Tahiti Pictures, Images and Photos
I continually run at a highly agitated state.

My mind is constantly churning with so much work stuff, life stuff, stuff stuff that it's hard for me to turn it off - even when I make a conscious effort to do so.

I cannot control everything - and I know that - yet I still try to be the be-all and end-all because I try not to half-ass anything I do. It's just not my nature.
tahiti Pictures, Images and Photos
From this moment on, I vow to myself and my chronic insomnia that I will become a duck. That I will let things roll off me like beads of water run right off that waterfowl's back (a duck IS waterfowl, right?).

I will think of these gorgeous Tahitian pictures that I dream to some day see for myself and just be.
tahiti Pictures, Images and Photos
I am what I am.
I do what I can.
I am only myself, I am no one else.

{Wow. That sounds too deep to be just me. Must be working already!}

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Ramblings on ... about love.*

At least once a year, I ensconce myself within the fabulously glitzy world of "Sex and the City."
Sex and the City Pictures, Images and Photos
It's that time of year, as I have been smack-dab in the middle of 2009's visit for the last couple weeks. Like "Bridget Jones' Diary," it's something I turn to when I need some reaffirmations about my life which is indubitably less fabulous than my favorite foursome.

I identify with all four of the characters.

Like Carrie, I, too, write for a newspaper, have too many shoes (though not expensive or ridiculously sexy as hers, but I get by) and shit luck with men. I can be narcissistic.

I am sometimes bitchy and cynical like Miranda and so used to being the strong one and taking care of myself that it's hard to let someone else in.

I have my days where I am sometimes brazen enough, or feel thin enough from a particularly good workout that I think I am as slinky and sexy as Samantha, who says and does exactly what she feels.

And at the end of the day, despite all the bitchy narcissistic cynicism I sometimes pander to, like Charlotte, I let myself be hopeful and optimistic about love.
.... Pictures, Images and Photos
That it's out there.
That I'll find it one day if I just stay steadfast.
I'll hold that hand.
I'll have that arm around me.
I'll have those sweet things whispered in my ear.
I'll be loved for all the things I love when I look in the mirror - not in the narcissistic way that'll drown me, dear heavens no because there's a lot I hate still when I look in the mirror - but what I see behind my Guinness-colored eyes.
"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well that's just fabulous."
~~ Carrie Bradshaw on "Sex and the City"

Strength. An ability to love. An ability to laugh. An ability to enjoy life.
An ability to know myself. And like - even love sometimes - myself, just as I am.
"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love."
~~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I love my parents. I love my brother and "sister." I love my friends. I love my job. I love AIM toothpaste. I love mint ChapStick. I love blue PaperMate pens. I love my bedroom. I love music. I love food.
watermelon love Pictures, Images and Photos
I love seeing people in love because it makes me hopeful.
Maybe I love enough. Maybe I've loved enough to last a lifetime.
Or maybe I just haven't loved the right person yet.
vintage Pictures, Images and Photos
Yeah. I love that thought the best.

*The writer does apologize for the deep thoughts and heavy romanticism. She's been inundated with engagements and weddings in the world around her.
jimmy choos Pictures, Images and Photos
What else is a single gal to do when she can't afford Jimmy Choos?

Monday, July 27, 2009

The men I have loved.

I've only been In Love a handful of times in my 32 years, but I've been In Love With A Celebrity many times over.

Only three were serious:
steve mcqueen Pictures, Images and Photos
{"The King of Cool" Steve McQueen whose blue eyes could make me weep. The license plate on the Bitch Pod is an homage to him and will someday be on a Bullitt Mustang just like he drove in "Bullitt," my favorite movie of his}
Esquire 7 Pictures, Images and Photos{Gerard Butler, who I named the Weekender's office plant after. He is the sexiest man that walks God's green earth methinks. And I know he will be mine someday, oh yes, he will be mine someday}
{Bret Michaels of Poison. What can I say? I'm a sucker for blue-eyed blonde boys. The above photo was my favorite of the 127 I push-pinned to my wall growing up}

Other men I've loved:
Robert Plant Peace Pictures, Images and Photos
Robert Plant Pictures, Images and Photos
{Robert Plant, then and now, who I would let slap me with a mudshark any day of the week}
Chris Noth Pictures, Images and Photos
{Chris Noth, who will always be Mr. Big to me}
Mel Gibson Pictures, Images and Photos
{Mel Gibson, because 1. He was my first serious crush; 2. I had my first sexual dream about him, and 3. He has McQueen and Michaels-esque blue eyes}
Cary Grant Pictures, Images and Photos
{Cary Grant because all woman should love a man like him, and all men should try their damnedest to be and dress half as debonair as him}
FDR Pictures, Images and Photos
{Franklin D. Roosevelt. 'Nuff said.}
Jack Kerouac Pictures, Images and Photos
{Jack Kerouac because reading "On The Road" inspired me so much I went back to school to be a writer, thus changing my life}
Love never dies Pictures, Images and Photos
{Dracula, because seriously, what's not to love?}
{And of course, the men who have always been there long after the others, my beloved older brother Michael and my beloved Papa. Long may the future men in my life try to live up to the standards set by the two of you}

Friday, July 24, 2009

You say "child-less." I say "child-free."

"It is dangerous to confuse children with angels."
~~~~ David Fyfe

It's a well-known fact that I am not the most patient person in the world.
It may also be widely known that I can, in fact, err on the side of - gasp - bitchy.

But what might come as a surprise, especially considering I am a single woman who is past the age of 30, is that I am not a fan of children.

At all.

Sure, I've had good friends and coworkers who've had children and I've enjoyed watching those children grow up, but being a mom just isn't for me.

I often wonder, as I did this evening as I wandered through Target, how parents do it.
{Back story: Every single time I shop at Target I am surrounded by children screaming bloody murder. I don't know what the store does to them, especially since I am always pretty happy to be shopping there myself, but it's bloodcurdlingly ridiculous.}

"A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic."
~~~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

It was so horribly noisy on today's trip I almost wish I had a Xanax to take.
It got me to thinking.
What would I do if I were a parent?
Does that inner anger I felt today go away when it's your own kid?
I'd like to think that I sure as hell wouldn't let my kids carry on the way I've been appalled to see time and time again.

I've been told that the pixie version of Nikki threw a tantrum or two, but it was something Mommalah never tolerated for longer than a minute.
Granted, I grew up in the days you were allowed to spank kids - which you should still be allowed to do, given the jerk kids I've seen in my day - but my parents took my brother and I out to fancy dinners and we never, ever misbehaved.
Not out of fear, mind you, but out of respect.
{But there is a story where Mommalah infamously dropped trou on my brother right in the middle of the Wyoming Valley Mall back when there used to be fountains. She sat herself right on the side of one and let him have it for being bold. He he. Never mind that there was one instance the dropped trou offender was me. That's moot.}

That's how we were raised. To be humans. To behave in public. To speak when spoken to. And that's carried over into both of our adult lives.

When I was 14, my parents got me my beloved dog, Zakk. A boisterous and bold yellow Lab who could have used a few spankings himself.
He saved me from myself. He taught me how to love and care for something other than myself at a very crucial point in my development, and that too carried over into my adulthood.

I nurtured and cared for Zakk until the day he died 14 years after we got him, exactly half of my life at that point, and I've nurtured and cared for sick parents, boyfriends and friends, so it's not that I am a cold-hearted bitch - which I suppose is debatable depending on our relationship.

I admit I've heard that "tick-tock, tick-tock" bellow maybe once or twice - and even have had names picked out since I was 10 like any good girl - but it goes away right quick. And to be quite frank, I never imagined I would love a kid as much as I loved my Zakk. He was my kid and his death devastated my family and I.

Every time I see a parent with a bad child, or hear an "Ethan, no. ETHAN. Ethan NO!" or similar, I cringe. Would I be able to hold back the scream I, an innocently-shopping bystander, want to let out at that kid that's not mine?

Or would I be the one cooing "Shh" and looking around smugly like my child was made out of gold? I shudder to think.

I raise a toast to myself - and anyone else who doesn't really feel like they're missing out.
"If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this doesn't work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child."
~~~~ Anonymous

Saturday, July 18, 2009

"Spirit on the water ..."

" ... darkness on the face of the deep."

I'm going to see the prolific poet Bob Dylan tonight at Bethel Woods on the grounds of the original Woodstock.
bob dylan Pictures, Images and Photos
The title of this entry is the title of my favorite Dylan song.
I find it so rustically romantic - the first time I heard it, I got chills.

"Spirit On The Water"

Spirit on the water
Darkness on the face of the deep
I keep thinking about you baby
I can hardly sleep

I'm traveling by land
Traveling through the dawn of day
You're always on my mind
I can't stay away

I had forgotten about you
Then you turned up again
I always knew
We were meant to be more than friends

When you're near
It's just as plain as it can be
I'm wild about you, girl
You ought to be a fool about me

Can't explain
The sources of this hidden pain
You burned your way into my heart
You got the key to my brain

I've been trampling through mud
Praying to the powers above
I'm sweating blood
You got a face that begs for love

Life without you
Doesn't mean a thing to me
If I can't have you
I'll throw my love into the deep blue sea

Sometimes I wonder
Why you can't treat me right
You do good all day
And then you do wrong all night

When you're with me
I'm a thousand times happier than I could ever say
What does it matter
What price I pay?

They brag about your sugar
Brag about it all over town
Put some sugar in my bowl
I feel like laying down

I'm as pale as a ghost
Holding a blossom on a stem
You ever seen a ghost?
No, but you have heard of them

I see you there
I'm blinded by the colors I see
I'll take good care
Of what belongs to me

I hear your name
Ringing up and down the line
I'm saying it plain
These ties are strong enough to bind

Now your sweet voice
Calls out from some old familiar shrine
I've got no choice
Can't believe these things would ever fade from your mind

I could live forever
With you perfectly
You don't ever
Have to make a fuss over me

From East to West
Ever since the world began
I only mean it for the best
I want to be with you in any way that I can

I've been in a brawl
Now I'm feeling the wall
I'm going away baby
I won't be back until fall

High on the hill
You can carry all my thoughts with you
You've numbed my will
This love could tear me in two

I want be with you in paradise
And it seems so unfair
I can't go to paradise no more
I killed a man back there

You think I'm over the hill
You think I'm past my prime
Let me see what you got
We can have a whopping good time

{~~Lyrics courtesy}

Sigh. Who doesn't want to be loved like that?

Bob Dylan is truly is the Poet Laureate - with a whole lot of attitude and the soul of, well, a poet.
Bob Dylan Pictures, Images and Photos

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I'm a loser - YAY!

For the first time in, well, ever, I was excited to get on the scale this past Monday morning.

I totally worked my ass off last week and really managed my eating and alas,
I am FOUR POUNDS lighter!

I cannot even express how awesome it feels!
I've seen a dramatic change in my body already, which is great, but most importantly, with how I've been carrying myself.
Plus, my outlook on life has really been rosy.
{knock wood!}

This week, due to a completely crazy and hectic work schedule (that was kinda awesome now that I've lived through it), I've not been able to work out at all and it's driving me nuts, but I didn't let it derail the rest of my healthy goals.

I ate right - even today at Cracker Barrel where the Grandpa's breakfast taunted me like it always does, as did the hash brown casserole.
{Dear God do I love CB's hashbrown casserole!}

Instead, I opted for a grilled chicken salad with pineapple, pecans and tomatoes with pineapple ranch dressing on the side - which I will have you know I dipped my fork in instead of sloshing all over the salad.

Tomorrow I'll finally be able to get back on the Air Climber and I actually can't wait so that I can continue being a loser come Monday!

Thursday, July 9, 2009


I have been eating healthy all week long.
I walked two miles on both Monday and Tuesday, then did a kick ass 20 minutes of Air Climbing on Sunday and Wednesday - plus did abs all four days.

I feel great, really, really watched what I ate and as a result, I saw the scale go down consistently every day.
{Kindly don't judge me weighing myself daily. It was an experiment, an experiment I say!}

When I craved sugar, I had one of the sugar free chocolate pudding cups I've come to adore with a dollop of Cool Whip in the can.
{It still baffles me that it tastes exactly like Cool Whip in the tub. Magic. Magic!}
Chocolate Pudding Pictures, Images and Photos
Last night, I made myself gosh darn proud.
After dinner with my coworkers, I was mad craving a Dairy Queen Blizzard.
I mean so mad craving I thought I was going to pass out if I didn't have one.
DQ Pictures, Images and Photos
From where we had dinner, there were two DQs within a 5 1/2 minute drive, with my house in the middle.
It was like a Choose Your Own Adventure Book as I drove down South Main Street and around Wilkes-Barre's Public Square. Did I want to:

A.) Go around the Square to the left and head to the Kingston DQ
B.) Go around the Square to the right and head to the Plains DQ
C.) Go straight around the Square and head home????

It was the [at least] 300 calorie question.

I chose C.) and got to the light where I would make the right turn that would take me to my street. But instead of making that right turn, I went left and headed to my local grocer.
{I told you I was having a mad craving.}

Walking up and down the ice cream aisle, I saw cheap half gallons quite like those of the Chocolate Marshmallow Incident that made my craving worsen. I knew I couldn't buy one of them again because it would totally derail the mindset I'm working so hard to set.

I saw the pints Ben & Jerry's I used to eat for dinner practically every night back in high school that I'd never gain an ounce from.

I saw the super-expensive Weight Watchers ice cream I really like but am too much of a miser to buy.

I kept coming back to the Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. The bright green mint ones. They looked so, so, SO good, but for $4, I just couldn't do it. It's ice cream for the love of Moses - i c e c r e a m!

But there I was plunking down the dough before driving home as fast as humanly possible.
I got in my jammies, sat at the kitchen table and opened the plastic container of two-points-each-goodness and took my first bite.
Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches Pictures, Images and Photos
It was exquisite.
I savored that chocolaty minty wonder for as long as I could until it dripped down my arm.
{Of course I licked my arm. Waste not, want not and all that jazz.}

I was so proud of myself.
I exorcised the craving demon I've always caved into before.
When I scampered back into the kitchen with the intent to have a second sandwich, I slammed the freezer door shut and loudly said, "No!" - and actually listened for the first time.

I think I finally am making a break with my obsession with food.
And it tastes good.
Like minty goodness that's bad for me.
Except that it isn't!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

"Le Penseur."

I have been feeling very introspective lately.

Which is really hard to juggle with my exhausting schedule right now, but I'm trying to balance it.

I feel like I am on the cusp of something big within myself.
{The not knowing what that is exactly kind of makes me anxious, but I'm doing my best to roll with it.}

Rodin Pictures, Images and Photos
{As I was reading the Wikipedia entry on Rodin, who sculpted "The Thinker," (or "Le Penseur" if you like to pretend you are fluent in French as I sometimes do), I found myself sitting with hand under chin and realized that position really does help you think better. Internal struggles never felt so comfortable! Who knew?!}

Saturday, July 4, 2009

The Fourth of July.

Ahh, summer's halfway point.
For the first time in seemingly forever, it hasn't rained yet today here in Northeastern Pa - knock wood!

It's cool and breezy, I'm wearing my hair curly today and one of my landlord's kids is frolicking happily in their pool, making me remember when I was that carefree kid who used to swim all summer long many moons ago.

Soon I'll be heading out to a friend's annual backyard BBQ, where there is a perfect view of the fireworks at Kirby Park. There will be booze, beer, good food and a festive spirit.

If a Rocket Pop found itself somehow involved, I would be super-stoked, or, oh my golly, if I could melt one into vodka!
rocket pop Pictures, Images and Photos

Hope you and yours has a safe and happy Fourth!
Let's enjoy the rest of the summer, shall we?

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

At my 14th Poison show ...

*Note: If you read my previous post about my eternal love for Poison, you will understand. If you did not, well, I went to my 14th Poison concert on Sunday, June 28 at the Toyota Pavilion at Montage Mountain in Scranton (or Moosic, if you will). We all have our own, how do you say, certain something, n'est-ce pas? What follows are the things that happened during that show, which also included openers Cheap Trick (who Poison followed) and Def Leppard).*

- I got to hear Def Leppard sound check "Hysteria" while people started lining up outside the gates.

- I got to go inside before the gates opened to hear and watch Def Leppard sound check "Two Steps Behind."

- While watching Def Leppard during said sound check, Poison bassist Bobby Dall got off a golf cart and walked right by me. I squealed internally.

- Went back outside to receive a backstage pass (pictured below) to meet Bobby because my editor interviewed him for the Weekender and was kind enough to let me tag along.

- Some random things I spotted before Cheap Trick went on: a guy in a long Cheap Trick jean jacket, a fanny pack with fringe and a skullet. And these were only the standouts. Imagine what else these Bambi brown eyes saw!

- After Poison's set, editor and I headed backstage, where we were told our passes were good until 9:15 p.m. and let into the backstage area without any sort of supervision. I promptly found a restroom to use because I was so excited I had to pee.

- Wandered around the buses and Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen walked by, to which editor said "Hey Rick" nonchalantly. We both squealed internally. Well, at least I did. Again.

- Poison guitarist C.C. DeVille walked past us. I said "Hi C.C." as nonchalantly as editor greeted Rick, like I see him in the hall at work every day. I squealed internally again.

- Editor and I wandered aimlessly around until we spotted an official looking dude in a Poison button-down shirt leading a few people to the dressing rooms area we saw C.C. disappear toward.

- We hang out behind them as C.C. comes out to greet them. He was wearing platform shoes and his hair was still all haphazard spiky, which all made him appear taller than he actually is.

- As we patiently wait our turn, we spot Def Leppard singer Joe Elliot and guitarist Vivian Campbell walking near their dressing rooms.

- When C.C. is done with those people, he looks at us briefly, walks back into his dressing room and slams the door. I say "Prick" internally.

- As we leave, the perpetually shirtless (and dare I say sexily ripped) Def Leppard guitarist Phil Collen wanders into the craft tent.

- We head toward said tent and find a very kind girl in a button-down Poison shirt who helps us find Bobby, who is with his 18-year-old son Zach and handler Rob.

- Editor tells Bobby his name and he immediately tells editor how much he enjoyed the article. Said he picked it up while walking past the Marquee Theater in Scranton from the hotel (they stayed at the Radisson Lackawanna, by the way).

- Editor introduces me and as Bobby shakes my hand, I blurt out “This is my 14th Poison show” and he laughs and wonders how many he’s been to.

- He was so friendly, appreciate and cool that he posed for this picture ...
... before asking another handler to lead him to Bret. (We heard from a very reliable source that Bret decided to show up to the show about half hour before it began. And that his bus pulled a trailer with his own image on it. This did not make me squeal internally. In fact, I daresay it made me like him a little less.)

- After Bobby left, we spoke to his son and Rob before heading back out into the crowd to catch Def Leppard's set.

What a fanflippingtastic way to celebrate such a momentous occasion!